When fourth and fifth graders at a New York City school saw that a major educational website wasn't including LGBT rights in its coverage of civil rights issues, they decided to take action. The...

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Let me be the first to admit that the only reason that the hamantaschen archives on this site aren’t stronger are that I’m completely stubborn and generally a pedant and this gets in the way of what I know needs to be done to achieve hamantaschen perfection. If you read that sentence and thought “I know what some of those words mean but maybe not in that order,” don’t worry, you’re not alone. Hamantaschen are triangular cookies traditionally eaten during the Jewish festival of Purim (think: Jewish Mardi Gras) that falls next week. Haman, the villain in the biblical story, was said to wear a tricorne hat — with the brim turned up on three sides, something that was wildly fashionable in the 1700s 1800s which means it’s due for a hipster revival any day now — and this is where the cookies get their shape.

While I’ve made them a few times before — really, what is there not to love about filled cookies — mine tend to flop open and leak because I find the traditional ones floury and dull, and prefer those that are like tiny open-faced fruit tarts or galettes — light, flaky and tender with inspired fillings. [This is probably what happens when you have a mother that made french onion more often than matzo ball soup, beef bourguignon instead of roast chicken, not that we minded one bit.] These little fruit tarts are high on delicious but low on structural integrity.

... Read the rest of apricot hazelnut brown butter hamantaschen on smittenkitchen.com

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I won’t beat around the bush, so let’s get to the point. The one thing that made all of motherhood harder was EXPECTATIONS.

A friend told me this when I was pregnant with my first baby. I must have asked her for advice on after the baby. She said the best thing I could do was to have no expectations. I, of course, thought she must be depressed or something. Who has no expectations?! What a buzz kill!

Looking back, she was absolutely right. If someone asked me what made breastfeeding, babywearing, baby care, sleep, and all of motherhood more difficult, I would have to admit that it wasn’t so much the situation itself, but my expectations of what life SHOULD have been like.

Think about infant sleep.

Many newborns wake up frequently at night in order to nurse. This is totally normal newborn behavior.

But if you go to Pinterest and type the words, “baby” and “sleep” in the search bar you will be hit in the face with hundreds of links to posts about getting your newborn to sleep through the night. There is an obvious expectation that your baby should sleep and everybody has a tool to help make that happen.

Yes, I admit that losing sleep because of a wakeful newborn is difficult. I have four kids. I know this. I insist, however, that half the problem is that we EXPECT to sleep. We have clocks next to our bed. We look at them every time we wake up and again when they “finally” fall back asleep. We count our hours of sleep (or lack) and tell people about them and feel sad about a failed expectation.

Then, during the day, after a night of broken sleep, we EXPECT ourselves to make dinner, go to work, get stuff done, function like normal, etc. We drink caffeine so that we can function as expected. This expectation of course leads to feelings of failure when we can’t meet our own expectations.

Consider breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is a natural and normal biological function and many of us just EXPECT it to work. Breastfeeding in real life in our modern culture can actually be incredibly difficult and fraught with challenges like insufficient glandular tissue, breastfeeding after cesarean, breastfeeding with tongue tie, breastfeeding after medicated birth,  and more.

These challenges often blindside women and bring many feelings of failure laden with guilt and shame, plus they often feel very alone in handling these issues.

What about postpartum?

Before I had a baby, it seemed to me that every woman I knew who had children was trim, happy, and back to life within two weeks. How hard could it be?! Women really make this new motherhood thing look easy. Especially celebrity women!

I EXPECTED the same from myself. It took me years to realize that Spanx and Zoloft were helping everybody else hold it (literally) all together. That didn’t stop me from being totally shocked that I was overweight (for months) after having a baby and didn’t feel quite human until that baby was nine months old.

I wish I had gained wisdom with all my years of dashed expectations about myself and my children, but I don’t seem to have learned a thing. I struggle all the time with my school aged children.

Why are they acting like this?

Why are they having a hard time with school?

Why are they in pain?

What brings this disappointment? I am not really dissapointed in my actual children. I truly love them the way they are.

No, my EXPECTATIONS that they perform well, score well, and be “perfect” are ruined and this leads to so much struggle and pain. It isn’t so much the situation itself, but my expectation that it should be different.

I still set goals and make plans and shoot high for things that are important to me. Losing expectations doesn’t mean giving up. It means recognizing that things aren’t always storybook pretty. It means being OK with imperfection. It doesn’t mean you don’t strive for perfection, it means you forgive yourself (and others) when you don’t achieve it.

Photo credit: Xue Rui via Foter.com / CC BY-SA, Daddy-David via Foter.com / CC BY, cilesfineline via Foter.com / CC BY-SA

The post The One Thing That Made All of Motherhood Harder appeared first on Mothering.

Fact: Canned sardines are polarizing. You either love 'em or hate 'em. If you're in the love 'em camp, here's an easy snack (or even a light lunch!) that celebrates canned sardines and pairs them with tangy pickled onions, zesty Dijon mustard, and nutty crispbreads.

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This week’s theme comes to us courtesy a bumper crop of Victorians currently on the market in both the Hudson Valley and Catskills. It also comes courtesy one of our favorite weekend activities: Driving to another town to “oooh” and “aaah” over the houses. We can’t be the only ones who do this, but if somehow we are, treat yourself to a trip up north and don’t just drive down Main Street. Take a few rights and lefts into the neighborhoods and enjoy the eye-candy before you, free of charge. A few of our faves: Athens, Catskill, Cold Spring, Coxsackie, Delhi…we could go on, and in alphabetical order, too, apparently!

Based on sheer curb appeal alone, the Victorians will always grab our attention while we slow down to around 6 mph. We openly admit that we’re suckers for the gingerbread detailing, scroll trim, occasionally fanciful painted exterior, perhaps even a turret or two. That doesn’t mean we don’t love contemporary design (we think we’ve made that pretty clear…ahem Minimalist obsession…ahem), but nothing stands out more than a drop-dead gorgeous Victorian house. So, this week, let’s gas up the Subaru and go find us some stand-outs. Stay tuned…

 

 

The post This Week on Upstater: Victorian Visions appeared first on Upstater.

Twelve years ago, Jane Tranter (former controller for BBC Drama) and producer Julie Gardner were fundamental in the revival of Doctor Who. Now, the two have formed a production group, and they’re turning to the supernatural books of Deborah Harkness for their first show: A Discovery of Witches.

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